Have you noticed that the word MEN is also the first three letters of MENTOR and MENTORING? When I travel to communities in this country and around the world to provide technical assistance for the design and implementation of mentoring programs, I begin the discussion with a question: What is the greatest challenge you think you will encounter with this initiative? Invariably, whether beginning or expanding a mentoring program, the number one response: we are having difficulty recruiting male mentors.
Research shows that thousands of young boys and men are lacking a positive male role model in their lives. Often their father is absent from the home and no one is available to attend their events at school, show them the ropes, teach them social skills, talk to them about life, manners, the right way to treat a woman or tie their tie. Luckily, when Bill Coors traveled across the country from Colorado to attend preparatory school on the east coast, he found Mr. Hatch who became his hero and positive male role model. Not all young men are as fortunate as Coors.
Why is it still so difficult to recruit men to become mentors? Many men indicate that they are too busy at work to mentor. Others say this is really the role for women. After all, women typically are the caregivers, have experience raising their own children, and are emotional and nurturing, making them perfect mentors. Some men tell me that they do not want to appear weak if they sign up to become a mentor. Others state a fear of such a relationship. Some men do not value volunteer work as much as paid work.
Regardless of the reasons given, we, in the mentoring field must be more intentional about recruiting mentors. We must seek them out where they work and play – at the office, sports events, exercise facilities and happy hours. We must improve our messaging and marketing materials to appeal to men. When a male mentor and his mentee provide testimony together about the benefits of mentoring at recruitment sessions, other men seem less hesitant to sign up. Some programs recruit men with posters and flyers on the subway and in train stations for commuters. I like to ask a prospective mentor who may be on the fence, who were the mentors in your life? Would you be where you are today without at least one man who made a difference for you? I call this approach Dr. Mentor’s guilt trip! It works.
I have noticed that once a man decides to sign up to become a mentor, they get hooked faster than women and develop long lasting and meaningful two directional benefits. They get as much if not more out of the experience as their mentee. Notice the word men in mentee, too!
Kyle Wiley and Ryan McEleney are two of my favorite long-time mentors from Webster Bank in CT. I asked them both what they think is the best way to recruit men. “Get us out of public recruitment sessions and talk to us one on one. That is the best way to reach a potential male mentor!”, they commented. Regardless of which method one selects, it is important to spend time planning how to get more men involved in mentoring. Young men can’t wait!
Dr. Susan G. Wienberger
